Its undeniable that smart phones have revolutionized our lives. It's never been easier to instantly notify your friends about details of your day that are completely inconsequential to their day and have them in turn respond with equally, if not more irrelevant information ("Ughhhh China!!!!" / "I know, right?!?"). After holding out as long as I could, I finally jumped on the iPhone bandwagon a few months before moving to China.

But following a mishap on my way home from Cantina last year (I'd rather not get into the details), I awoke on Seis de Mayo dressed as a Mexican wrestler with my iPhone nowhere to be found. For the next eight months, I got by with a series of cheap phones that I bought on the street and promptly lost. Each boasted its share of sweet features including Korean fonts and Indian pop ringtones. Finally, after a heroic performance at my company's holiday raffle this year, I won a brand new iPhone4S. I'd learned my lesson with the previous few phones. This device would be my baby, and I would cherish it as such from the get-go. Here's how the relationship progressed:

Day 1: MicroSIM? Really Apple? You can fit every song ever recorded on a device the size of a deck of cards but I have to put my SIM card in a hole punch to make a phone call? OK nevermind, this thing is pretty sweet. I never have to speak to a cab driver again.

Day 2: There's an app for everything!! Hold on. I'm just entering my grocery list into my phone. Sure it takes four times longer than just writing it down on a piece of paper, but I can also ... wait, only the metric system? Who uses the metric system? I don't even care! I'm sure there's a different app for converting sticks of butter to grams of butter. What's that? Pick up some wine? Sure, I can just download a wine app while in CityShop! She'll be blown away when I explain that 2008 was a great year for Napa Valley Chardonnays because of the atypically long, wet growing season and early frost that spring! Bonus points! Jackpot! What?! The app didn't say anything about you not liking Chardonnays! But the app ... ? Long growing season? Napa? Nothing?

Day 4: CYSTITIS? That's not even a word! On a triple letter AND a triple word?! AND all your letters?! 101 points?!? I guess I could use an online anagram finder just this once. It's not really cheating. She's probably using one too if she came up with CYSTITIS. I feel like I'm getting cystitis just trying to work through the moral dilemma of cheating at a game on my phone. Especially one that has the phrase "with Friends" in its name. No. Screw my friends. I'm not losing at electronic Scrabble.

Day 7: I don't even want a picture of this but I'm going to take one...because I can! And I'm going to send it to my Mom...because I can! Yeah that's right, Mom. Sent from my iPhone! Oh no! Oh god! No Mom, I meant "Fuxing." Its a park here. Oh god. This is awkward. No, I'm not going to a park for that. And if I was, I wouldn't send you pictures.

Day 9: I'm not even embarrassed to pull my phone out in front of hot girls anymore!

Day 11: No! Guys don't use smileys. Never. Its unacceptable. Oh. You have all those smileys? Why would I ever need to send someone a tiny picture of a figure skater? Is that a pile of poop with eyes and a mouth?! Nevermind! I've never been able to express myself as succinctly as this ghost with his arms up and tongue out does! Emoticons are awesome!!!

Day 13: Siri, do you have a boyfriend? Do you want one?! You only listen to about half of what I say and you don't understand Chinese. That's enough in common to share a lifetime together!

Day 16: I want to have a baby with What's App! It would probably be lanky and have a big nose, but it would be free across international borders! One green check mark .... TWO GREEN CHECK MARKS!!! How many different combinations of my friends can I start group chats with? Oh man, it would be hilarious if we called our group chat something witty! The Dream Team? App App and Away? What's App Got To Do With It - featuring Ashanti and Ja Rule?

Day 19: GOD I LOVE MY iPHONE!!!!!!!

Day 20: Fuuuuuuuugggggggg!

I'll admit to you all that I left it on a table while eating chuar outside 88 at 4am with a collection of the most beautiful people in Shanghai. But if my mom asks, it was stolen. Needless to say, the following day I replaced it with my fifth phone (and third iPhone) in eight months. I let everyone know about it via What's App with an appropriate frowny, single tear emoticon followed by a monkey eating noodles.

Want more wisdom from the cheapest man in Shanghai? Check out his introductory blog post right here.