This week our local love doctors, Joe Schaefer (right) and Ginger wRong Chen (left), are dishing out advice on what to do when your private life plays out in the public domain.

My girlfriend and I had sex in the office copy room. We’re co-workers―she got caught afterwards but I didn’t. Should I ‘fess up? I can get a job elsewhere but she’ll have a much tougher time. -- Photocopy Fugitive

The Western View

I’m not really sure what sort of outcome you are pushing for with this proposed late-game confession. I know you want to do the right thing here, but it seems the time for mitigating damage to your girlfriend’s job post is long gone.

Short of convincing your boss that your girlfriend wasn’t aware and / or consenting of said wanton activity, she is still getting fired. And if you were to sell that story, you would need to worry about more than loss of employment. Your best bet is to try and prove it was a frame job, orchestrated by vindictive team members bitter over the abnormal amounts of time you spend hogging the copy room.

And just how in God’s name did only one of you got caught anyway? You would have to be a special kind of bastard to bolt, leaving your girlfriend naked and sticky on a stack of A4 paper? Or did your boss just walk in on her having a post-game rub-out? Either way, typical office etiquette dictates that if you got the ninja nookie, it is up to you to play lookout for a few minutes until your partner in crime can get her pants from behind the fax machine. I think it’s safe to say that, at any rate, this woman is soon to be your ex-girlfriend.

The good news is that your ex is probably going to have a much easier time finding a new job than you think. Especially if she lists her reasons for dismissal on her job application. Imagine the interview:

“So you say you got fired from your last position for having hot sex in the copy room with a co-worker? I think we have a spot on the team for you!”

Just remind her this time not to forget the copies of her ass in the machine.

The Chinese View

There’s no doubt you would make quite a noble gesture if you take the confession route, whether or not it’ll help your girlfriend keep her job. There is something heroic in the act of confession after all. You take the blame for what you have done. You make a stand for honesty. You are the MAN! And girls certainly like to see that in a man.

But—yes, the but, the turning point in every drama—you better not feel you are making a big sacrifice here. Because the feeling of sacrifice will come back to haunt your relationship in the future, and it is a powerful force.

All sacrifices, whether it’s a pretty virgin being thrown into a flooding river or a job, demand payback. It’s your human nature to want something for the price you pay. And the higher the price you pay, the more valuable you want this “something” to be.

Now try to imagine when the passion between you and your girlfriend burns out―and it will one day, even your girlfriend is Angelina Jolie. Once that happens, a little voice will soon creep through your head. The little voice will say something like:

“What the hell was I thinking then? Is she really worth all that romantic bullshit?”

So the haunting begins.

You see how this matter progresses? Without your even noticing it, you will have already put way too much pressure on your girlfriend and this relationship. You want her to be worthy of your contemplated confession and its possible consequences. And, let’s face it. We all know that’s a big gamble.

So it’s very important that you feel you are not giving up too much (a little is fine). And that you truly, honestly do not feel that way. This is not something you can talk yourself out of, consciously or subconsciously. Because everything that gets pushed down will bounce back up again. Sooner or later.